Requesting Feedback for Essays and AWA

[nagaraj.kiran]

Hi All,

I was looking for some help to get feedback on my essays. This is from a Manhattan Practice Test. I just want to understand what areas I need to work on and any suggestions.

Your help is much appreciated.

Thank you for the taking the time to read through this.
KN


AWA 1:

"The claims of some politicians that we are on the brink of an energy crisis are misguided. We have enough oil in reserve to see us through any production shortage and the supply of in-ground oil is in no danger of running out any time soon. There is thus no need to set aside the technology and infrastructure of a century of oil-based energy."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.



YOUR RESPONSE:

This newspaper editorial presents a conclusion based on specific claims without providing the statistical evidence required to support these claims. Firstly, the author does not provide any specific details around the kind of production shortage that the current oil reserves could sustain. A nation's oil reserve may not necessarily have factored in the contingency oil requirements during the time of national emergencies such as wars and international conflicts. Secondly and perhaps more importantly, the author does not clarify how long the supply of in-ground oil would not run out. Given the long term vision alluded by the argument, it is critical to qualify "any time soon" before rejecting any potential need to set aside technology using oil-based energy. Furthermore, the author does not consider the potential increase in demand for oil which could lead to the exhaustion of supplies much sooner than "any time soon".

In addition, even if each of the author's claims were true, the conclusion would still be based on certain assumptions, which based on contents of this editorial, have not been validated. The author seems to assume that the energy crisis is purely based on the oil supply and demand. The environmental effects of relying on an energy source such as oil may very well have contributed to the energy crisis. The author also assumes that the energy crisis is not a result of a nation's efforts to reduce reliance on oil-based energy from a risk management perspective. Today, oil is a highly traded commodity defining the silhouettes of international and national economies. The lesser a nation's dependence on oil-based energy, the lesser the risk exposure to an economic crisis drive by oil supply and demand around the world.


AWA 2

ESSAY QUESTION:

"Nuclear weapons are potentially more devastating than any other weapon in human history. We must stop pointing the nuclear gun at our own heads. The best way to lower the threat of nuclear war is for the nuclear capable nations, including the U.S., to lead by example and dismantle their own nuclear arsenals."

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the position stated above. Support your viewpoint using reasons and examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

YOUR RESPONSE:
The Cold War was almost the longest period of time without real conflict between two of the world's strongest nations during a century that witnessed two devastating World Wars. The "super powers" of the world built weapons, expanded their arsenal and showcased their military capabilities through decades without active conflict during the Cold War. The leveling power of nuclear weapons was known to the world by then but these countries continued to expand their nuclear arsenals and develop nuclear technology. These nuclear arsenals served as such a big deterrent, that the period witnessed no active conflict. The Cold War is not the ideal text book for a discussion on world peace, but specific elements of the "Cold War" provide a great example for the role of nuclear arsenals in preventing catastrophic international conflicts. The Cold War also serves as an example to the ability of nuclear arsenals in determining the global sphere of influence which was and is so crucial for driving the economic and political landscape of each country.

Ever-expanding nuclear arsenals did not lead to nuclear war. Conversely, the dismantling of nuclear arsenals by countries such as the U.S. does not necessarily reduce the threat of nuclear war. The U.S. will continue to have the technology and the capability to produce nuclear weapons when needed. It cannot be assumed that other countries will follow along on the same foot steps. On the contrary, countries currently incapable of nuclear weapons will continue to pursue the technology required to produce these weapons to improve their standing in the global sphere of influence. The Nuclear Test Ban Treaty (NTBT) which was considered during its time as one of the solutions to reduce nuclear threat did not stop countries like India and Pakistan from pursuing nuclear technology and transforming into nuclear powers. And in their post-nuclear era, a major border conflict saw the two countries go to the brink of war but withdraw forces and settle for peace potentially due to their nuclear arsenals. Perhaps, the "no-first-use" policy for nuclear weapons that these countries adopted reduced the threat of nuclear war more than the dismantling of nuclear arsenals by the U.S. could.

AWA 3

"The desire of corporations to maximize profits creates conflict with the general welfare of the nation at large."
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations or reading.

Increased profits are to functional corporations what hefty paychecks are to competent individuals. A motivational factor, if carefully harnessed can significantly contribute to national welfare.

Increased profits can help a corporation expand locally, regionally and nationally resulting in the creation of jobs that most economies depend on. Thriving capitalistic societies, that form today's example of developed nations, are also due to the profitable and functional corporations that drive innovation.

A corporation's desire to maximize profits must be carefully watched and governed but it is this very desire and its manifestation that distinguishes a corporation. . Today's regulatory and compliance environment promises to govern this primary motivating factor while ensuring that corporations continue to drive innovation, embolden the marketplace and generate employment.

Take the example of a certain country's financial services industry - the downfall of certain major players in the industry stalled the country's economy and the nation's short term outlook. The converse was also true. For the same country being considered, decades earlier, a thriving manufacturing industry not only saw the country recover from major economic debacles, but also saw the country develop beyond imaginable boundaries.

Corporations have a desire to maximize profits and this desire alone does not create conflict with the general welfare of the nation at large. On the contrary, the desire to maximize profits can uniquely position a corporation to play a significant role in the welfare of a nation at large.

[StaceyKoprince]

Hi, thanks for posting your essays! Just an FYI that instructors don't grade or give feedback on essays (see the forum guidelines for details).

But I certainly hope other community members respond. Also, if you're in our class, you'll have an opportunity to get essays graded and get written feedback during the course (after class 6).

You can also sign up for the GMAT Write program run by GMAC (the people who make the real test). For a fee, you can submit essays that will be graded using the same software program that grades the essays on the real test, and you will be given specific feedback about how to improve your score. Go to www.mba.com and search for "GMAT Write"