Please suggest improvements and obvious flaws.

[goddygodzila]

Dear Instructors/fellow aspirants,

I would really appreciate if you can help me to find the errors and make improvements in the two essays here.

Thanks in Advance.
Kaushal

AWA ESSAYS: Analyze Argument
ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper:

"The inflow of immigrant workers into our community has put a downward pressure on wages. In fact, the average compensation of unskilled labor in our city has declined by nearly 10% over the past 5 years. Therefore, to protect our local economy, it is essential to impose a moratorium on further immigration."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

YOUR RESPONSE:
The argument says that it is essential to impose moratorium on further immigration as it imposes a threat to local economy by putting downward pressure on wages. This argument is based on several assumptions for calculating the downward pressure. It mentions only the downward pressure on unskilled workforce's wages and does not mention other worker classes' wages, therefore assuming that wages have declined in a similar fasion among all worker classes. Secondly, It assumes immigration of workers is the only reason for downward pressure on wages while there may be other factors for decline in wages that are not mentioned. Lastly, the emmigration of local workers is assumed to put no pressure on wages as such.

The supporting evidence of unskilled workforce is used to support the point that wages have declined over past 5 years. An evidence like increase in skilled labor wages will refute the argument's conclusion. Other evidence like downturn in economy and business outlook may also put pressure on the wages and hence again will refute the argument's conclusion. The emmigration of skilled workforce for better opportunities outside may have put upward pressure on salaries, if provided as evidence will make the argument weak.

The argument can be made stronger by providing extra information like decline in skilled workforce's salary, by corelating salaries with immigration numbers and by showing that other factors like economic fundamentals and business outlook has had remain helpful all along. This extra information will make the argument more logically sound.


AWA ESSAYS: Analyze Issues
ESSAY QUESTION:
"Employees should expect no privacy while on the job, even when engaging in personal communication via telephone or e-mail. Employers are paying for their employees' time and have a reasonable expectation that this time is spent solely on work-related activities."

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the position stated above. Support your views with reasons and examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.


YOUR RESPONSE:
The issue stated here is that employers are paying employees for the working hours, hence it is expected from an employee not to expect any privacy. I will take a neutral stance on this issue as I feel that the employees are legally bound to fulfill expectation of employers at all times, yet on certain occasions they expect a degree of privacy.

The labour laws in most countries mention that an employee is not supposed to work after putting in stipulated number of hours every day. But, mostly it happens that employees are staying little longer than they are actually required. And if in this period they want to indulge in talking over phone to their spouses or sending emails to friends, then it is not wrong. I feel employees are not legally bound by the employer which have no right to interfere in this sense. Other occasions may also require an employee to attend to personal calls, visits and reply personal emails as it may be important.

It has been shown again and again in employee satisfaction surveys that privacy is an important factor in boosting of the employee's morale. Hence, It is imperetive for an employer to expect a little privacy for every employee.

However, there are occasions when an employee has a responsibility of attending to work-related activities and delaying their personal causes. For example, in a meeting with a client everyone has to pay attention to task at hand and not to stray away from discussion. In cases like these the employer may bar employee mobile phone or email usage and may also interfere in private communication without permission. It is imperetive for an employee to dedicate his time for work-related activities while in office.

[StaceyKoprince]

Hi, thanks for posting your essays! Just an FYI that instructors don't grade or give feedback on essays (see the forum guidelines for details).

But I certainly hope other community members respond. Also, if you're in our class, you'll have an opportunity to get essays graded and get written feedback during the course (after class 6). Finally, you can get your essays graded by GMAC using the same software they'll use to grade your real essays - you'll get a score and some feedback (though they do charge a fee). Go to mba.com and look for GMAT Write.