Please rate my essay

[navoneel_pal]

ARGUMENT
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The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper:
"In the first four years that Montoya has served as mayor of the city of San Perdito, the population has decreased and
the unemployment rate has increased. Two businesses have closed for each new business that has opened. Under
Varro, who served as mayor for four years before Montoya, the unemployment rate decreased and the population
increased. Clearly, the residents of San Perdito would be best served if they voted Montoya out of office and
reelected Varro."
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.


The author concludes that the residents of San Perdito would be best served if they voted out Montoya and reelected Varro.The line of reasoning is that when Varro was the mayor, the city's unemployment rate decreased but when Montoya was the mayor it's unemployment rate increased.While this arguments have several merits, there are some logical errors that undermine the reason.

Firstly the author assumed that unemployment rate and expansion of business opportunity are the only factors that would judge the service of mayor.The author has ignored other areas of responsibility of a Mayor , like crime control,pollution and regulation of civic amenities.The importance of these other factors could undermine the employment rate issue , which would rule the descision of the residents of San Perdito to vote a particular candidate. For example if crime has been the most important issue of the city and Montoya has handled this efficiently while Varro could not, the city would be best served by Montoya and not Varro.Also the author presents a fact that two businesses have closed for each new business that has opened in Montoya's service , but gives no information whether business condition was better in the Varro's times or not.So it cant be judged who would be the best mayor only the grounds of the employment rate and business opportunities.

Secondly there is no information given whether the number of unemployed has increased,decreased or remained same during the tenure of the two mayors. If the popluation decreased and unemployement rate increased during Montoya's term,it could be possible that the number of unemployed has remained same during that period as compared to that of Varro's.So author provides inadequate substantial information which would have been helpful to conclude that which Mayor had been more effective.

Thirdly the author provides no evidence regarding the efficiency of Varro at present times.The conclusion that Varro would make a better Mayor than Montoya is based on the assumption that Varro would serve the city with same effectiveness as he did during previous years, which might not be true.



In sum the argument is not convincing enough and would be strengthened if he had provided evidence that would eliminate other factors that determine what would make a better Mayor.The article though persuasive enough would have been complelling if substantial information would have been given regarding the change in the number of unemployed in both of the mayor's tenure and the effectiveness of Varro as a Mayor in current times.


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Thanks in Advance.
I have already mailed student services and awating a reply.

[StaceyKoprince]

Hi, thanks for posting your essay! Just an FYI that instructors don't grade or give feedback on essays (see the forum guidelines for details).

But I certainly hope other community members respond. Also, if you're in our class, you'll have an opportunity to get essays graded and get written feedback during the course (after class 6). The official GMAT test makers also offer an essay grading service (for a fee) - you can take a look at their web site (www.mba.com) for details.