ESSAY QUESTION:
"Although the modern information age has opened up channels of communication that never before existed, it, paradoxically, has destroyed the foundation of community by isolating individuals in a technological world that involves little real human interaction."
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the position stated above. Support your viewpoint using reasons and examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.
YOUR RESPONSE:
Has modern information age destroyed the foundation of a community by the introducing numerous channels of communication is a debatable issue. The author opines that the foundation of a community is dependent on the human interaction and that the modern age channels of communication have isolated the individuals in a technological world thereby preventing them to interact among themselves. In contrast, it is worthy to note that the modern age communication has reduced the world's size. Today, a person in India can talk to a person in the US whenever he wishes to. Such a facility was definitely not available in the ages prior to the modern information age. In this discussion, I will support the latter statement while refuting the former.
First, the modern information age has opened up the channels of communication. These channels are primarily the telephone, the television and the Internet. The telephone has various varieties ranging from the fixed lines to the hand held devices or mobile phones. This channel has actually reduced the world's size in a very short period of time and at the cost of peanuts. Quoting an example, today I am able to call a person in the United States from India at a rate of 5 Rs/min. This cost is meagre when the time taken to communicate with the person so far is considered. In the earlier ages, the only way of communication was the postal system which would take a lot of time and cost more. Further, there would be no real communication between the two people. However, with the telephone, the communication is more realistic.
Second, the advent of mass media has proven to be a very effective way of communication among masses. Despite of the fact that there is no real or personal comunication involved in this form of communication, it holds a potential of initiating a revolution. This has been proven all along in the past and has continued to do so in the present day world. In India, the mass media has the power to uproot the government itself. It has reached every house of the nation and one bad opinion about the government will actrually affect the goverment. One such incident happened, when the government of Tamil Nadu had alleged the media of publishing erroneoous information about the government policies. However, when the allegation were proved to be false, the government was overthrown. This shows that mass media has the power to create communities even without real communication.
Third, the advent of the Internet has made the world a smaller place. So much is the effect of internet, any person can retrieve any information in the world he/she needs. Further, anyone can contact anyone by using the offline written form of communication called the E-Mail. Further, there are webcams' which enable people to have video conferencing where in two or more people can talk to each other and at the same time view each other. Thus Internet also has the capability to build communities without real human interaction.
Finally, I would like to conclude by saying that, the author is partly correct by saying that people in this modern information age have very little time to spend with other people. However, this does not imply that they are isolated. The various communication channels it has brought with it enable them to communicate among themselves virtually which does not hinder the foundation of communities as pointed out by the author.
---------------------
The source of this topic is the Manhattan Practice GMAT test.
GMAT Forum
3 postsPage 1 of 1
- nachiket331
- StaceyKoprince
- ManhattanGMAT Staff
- Posts: 9349
- Joined: Wed Oct 19, 2005 9:05 am
- Location: Montreal
I'd grade this a 4, which is about an average score.
There are a fair amount of grammar, syntax, and spelling errors that cost you some points. In addition, there are some idiom errors; I'm guessing you're not a native English speaker. One of the two "graders" of the official essay will be a computer program, so it will pick up on all of these technical errors.
The actual content of your essay (mostly) helps to pick up your score, though the end of the first paragraph is a bit confusing.
When you say "I will support the latter statement while refuting the former" - the two statements to which you refer are far enough away from this last sentence that I'm not quite sure what you're talking about - I have to read the rest of the essay to understand clearly what your thesis is. Make sure your thesis is extremely clear and in the opening paragraph. You do an excellent job of stating the thesis in your final paragraph, but make sure you introduce it this clearly in the introductory paragraph. (And then still do say it, using different words, in your conclusion paragraph.)
Your first and second examples are strong, but your third example is not quite as strong because it does not include a real-world, detailed example, the way the other two do. The third one speaks only in hypotheticals ("anyone can contact," "there are webcams," etc). Make sure you use actual examples, even if they are only brief, one-sentence examples.
Ideally, you would write 2-3 sentences for the actual examples, though. You may need to cut down your essay by not offering a third example in order to have the time to accomplish this. I never use more than 2 examples and still score 6's, so you don't have to have 3 in order to score well.
Your conclusion paragraph is excellent. Notice here that, in addition to stating your thesis clearly, you also acknowledge that the author's point does have some merit. You need to do this in the opening paragraph as well - it's called "acknowledging the other side" and is a very powerful tool in a persuasive essay (which is what this is).
Overall, I would worry more about trying to get better at the content stuff and less about the grammar, etc. It's going to be easier to work on the content, what you're trying to say, and harder to fix all of the grammar stuff. Generally, you want to aim for a 5 on the essay anyway, not a 6, because trying to get a 6 takes too much brain power / energy and you'll be tired out for the multiple choice portions of the test. So you're almost there already!
There are a fair amount of grammar, syntax, and spelling errors that cost you some points. In addition, there are some idiom errors; I'm guessing you're not a native English speaker. One of the two "graders" of the official essay will be a computer program, so it will pick up on all of these technical errors.
The actual content of your essay (mostly) helps to pick up your score, though the end of the first paragraph is a bit confusing.
When you say "I will support the latter statement while refuting the former" - the two statements to which you refer are far enough away from this last sentence that I'm not quite sure what you're talking about - I have to read the rest of the essay to understand clearly what your thesis is. Make sure your thesis is extremely clear and in the opening paragraph. You do an excellent job of stating the thesis in your final paragraph, but make sure you introduce it this clearly in the introductory paragraph. (And then still do say it, using different words, in your conclusion paragraph.)
Your first and second examples are strong, but your third example is not quite as strong because it does not include a real-world, detailed example, the way the other two do. The third one speaks only in hypotheticals ("anyone can contact," "there are webcams," etc). Make sure you use actual examples, even if they are only brief, one-sentence examples.
Ideally, you would write 2-3 sentences for the actual examples, though. You may need to cut down your essay by not offering a third example in order to have the time to accomplish this. I never use more than 2 examples and still score 6's, so you don't have to have 3 in order to score well.
Your conclusion paragraph is excellent. Notice here that, in addition to stating your thesis clearly, you also acknowledge that the author's point does have some merit. You need to do this in the opening paragraph as well - it's called "acknowledging the other side" and is a very powerful tool in a persuasive essay (which is what this is).
Overall, I would worry more about trying to get better at the content stuff and less about the grammar, etc. It's going to be easier to work on the content, what you're trying to say, and harder to fix all of the grammar stuff. Generally, you want to aim for a 5 on the essay anyway, not a 6, because trying to get a 6 takes too much brain power / energy and you'll be tired out for the multiple choice portions of the test. So you're almost there already!
Stacey Koprince
Instructor
Director, Content & Curriculum
ManhattanPrep
Instructor
Director, Content & Curriculum
ManhattanPrep
3 posts Page 1 of 1