Kindly give response to this AWA

[zatmah.m]

The following appeared as part of an article in a magazine devoted to regional life:
"Corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. Even in
the recent recession, Helios’s unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. It is the industrial center of
the region, and historically it has provided more than its share of the region’s manufacturing jobs. In addition, Helios
is attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of
innovative technologies."
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

My Response:
The author argues that Helios has a lower unemployment rate than the regional average and is looking to expand its economic base therefore, companies who are looking for business opportunities should locate in Helios. Although the argument has some merit, it has several flaws that undermine and weaken the author’s conclusion. First, the author assumes that unemployment rate is the only factor that companies consider when looking for business opportunities. Moreover, the author assumes that unemployment rate is the only indicator of a recession and that assumption creates a flaw in the reasoning. Finally, the author assumes that all the companies reviewing his report operate in the R&D and technology industry.
First, the author assumes that low unemployment rate is the only motive for a company to locate in a specific region. This assumption weakens the conclusion because it does not take into account that there are many other factors that a company considers before locating a particular region including good infrastructure, availability of resources and many others.
Second, the author mentions that even in during the recession, Helios unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. This reasoning is flawed because the author fails to mention the real unemployment figure. What if the regional unemployment rate average is 30% or higher? This means that Helios could have an average of 29 % which is still high and is unattractive for businesses.
Third, the author mentions that Helios wants to attract companies that work within the R&D and technology industry and then makes a conclusion that any company should consider to locate in Helios. The conclusion is flawed because the author assumes that all the companies reading his report focus on R&D and innovative technologies. The conclusion would be improved if the author concluded that companies within the field of R&D and innovative technology specifically, should consider locating in Helios.
In conclusion, the author’s argument is flawed due to the reasons mentioned in the paragraphs above. The author would substantially improve the argument if he successfully includes other factors and indicators that make Helios a business attraction, also through indicating a realistic and measurable unemployment rate that can provide a clear evidence of and reasoning for his argument.

[thanghnvn]

The author concludes that the companies should take the city of Helious as an good example. To support this conclusion, author cite the evidence that the unemployement rate of the city is under average of the region, that historically the city provides many manufacturing jobs and that the city is trying to attract companies . I think that the argument is not sound because the argument assume many important points.
First , the argument assumes that low unemployment rate of the city is the evidence that the city is good. This is not sound. It is possible that the rate of unemployment is low but the city is not good. This situation happens for many reasons. It is possible that a city and its administration is bad but the unemployment rate is low. The low rate is caused by good natural conditions of the city . The city can have many nice beaches which create job for many persons. In my city, though the administration of the city is bad, the rate of unemployment is low because we have many nice rivers which attract many tourists and create many jobs. The argument would be more convincing if it present evidence that the low rate of unemployment is caused by good administration of the city.
Second, the argument assumes that the city is good because it is expand its economic base by attracting the companies which focus on research and development. This point is not sound. It is possible that the city attract those companies because those companies give money to the administration of the city. It is possible that the city dose not need that kind of companies to develop well. It is possible that the city need only the low technology of companies to develop. My city is an example. Because we have many rivers, we need to develop tourism to develop. We do not need to attract the high technology companies. The argument would be more sound if it provides the evidence that the city needs the companies of innovative technology because the feature of the city need those companies for the development of the city.
In conclusion, I see that the argument is not sound because it assumes many important points. If these assumptions are not proved, the argument is bad. The argument would be more convincing if it provide the evidence I suggest above.

I write above essay in less than 25 minutes, including the editing time. I want to write criticize 3 assumptions, but I have no enough time and so I write only 2 assumptions. I think that writing 2 assumptions with enough analysis is better than writing 3 assumption with slight analysis. Do you think so?

please, comment on my essay and comment on my thinking so that I can learn from your comment and improve my essay. in this forum, anyone can be a teacher. the final purpose is to pass gmat test.

[thanghnvn]

my essay structure is as the following

- introduction: declare the conclusion and evidence. and say that it is not sound because there is many assumption

- paragraph 1:
+ declare assumption 1
+ explain this assumption
+ give concreted example of this assumption
+ suggestion for improvement

- paragraph 2 and 3 have similar structure as paragraph 1.

- final paragraph:
the argument is not sound because it assume many important points. the argument would be more sound if it provides the evidence I suggest above.

I make simple introduction and simple final paragraph. I focus on writing 2 or 3 body paragraph. sometimes, I can not write 3 body paragraphs because I have no enough time as in this writing this essay.

pls, comment on my thinking. anybody, pls comment

[s.hansika]

Hello thanghnvn..

You have provided the best format of essay structure. Most of the students are struggling to write the essays. So they started seeking out the help from online essay writing services, checking through the essay writing company reviews. The structure you have provided is too good and easier one.