Feedback on AWA essay

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Thanks in advance for anyone that can help. I just wrote my first AWA essay and want to make sure I am on the right track with how I am constructing it.


ESSAY QUESTION:

The following appeared in a newspaper editorial during the holiday shopping season:

"Americans spend far too much of their time buying and consuming non-essential goods. Studies show that, on average Americans spend over a quarter of their leisure time shopping. As such, it is no secret why America is losing its competitive edge relative to other countries. Instead of spending their time productively, Americans are wasting time through frivolous consumption. In order to counteract this trend, Americans should spend more time focused on personal and communal development--by, for example, pursuing educational advancement or participating in volunteer opportunities."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

YOUR RESPONSE:
The argument presented in the editorial relies too heavily on speculation and assumptions to be considered valid. There are several flaws in the author's logic, beginning with the assertion shopping is synonymous with consumption. The term "shopping" does not specifically imply that goods are being purchased. The act of shopping can be defined as simply perusing merchandise at a store without ever buying any products. "Shopping" would need to be specifically defined in both the article and the studies that are referenced in order to evaluate the the idea that shopping is equivalent to consumption.

If the studies reveal that their definition of shopping, in the context of their research, refers to consumption, then it leads to another assumption that damages the argument as a whole. The author also infers that the goods purchased when shopping are "frivolous". The assumption is that a significant amount of goods purchased are not essential items based on the basic needs of the purchaser. In order to clarify this remark, the author would need to present research that explains what percentage of goods purchased was for leisure and what percentage was for necessities.

Finally, the author does not specifically account for what American are doing for the other 75% of their leisure time. If Americans are spending three quarters of their leisure time volunteering or pursuing an education, can we still assume they are "losing their competitive edge" relative to other countries? In order to clarify this position, the author would need to provide a study detailing both what Americans, on average, spend the remainder of their leisure time doing, as well as what pursuits citizens of other nations spend their leisure time on. If on average, an American is spending all of their time away from shopping on what the author considers "personal and communal development", are citizens of other countries spending more than three quarters of their time on similar activities? If so, the author needs to provide a reference to how he or she defines a "competitive advantage" and how volunteering and educational advancement contribute to it.