Can somebody please rate my Issues Essay

[shadangi]

ESSAY QUESTION:
"Nuclear weapons are potentially more devastating than any other weapon in human history. We must stop pointing the nuclear gun at our own heads. The best way to lower the threat of nuclear war is for the nuclear capable nations, including the U.S., to lead by example and dismantle their own nuclear arsenals."

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the position stated above. Support your viewpoint using reasons and examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.


YOUR RESPONSE:
This issues states that the nuclear weapons are most devastating weapon in human history and hence we must undeploy them. And moreover this issue states that the best way to lower the threat of nuclear war is if the nuclear capable nations dismantled their own nuclear arsenals. This is a very controvertial topic as there would be people who would like to argue both ways. Many people believe that if the nuclear capable nations dismantled their nuclear arsenals then it would lead to peace and harmony among nations across the world, however these people fail to overlook how just the mere fear of the war keeps the peace and the harmony in place. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the issue while giving well defined justification against this issue.

First reason is that this issue fails to realize that mere presence of the nuclear weapons and the capability of these nations to engage in the nuclear wars is enough induce the fear among the nations to break the peace and the harmony necessary for us to live a happy life. For example, during the first world war when the concept of nuclear weapon was futuristic, countries relied on their man power to engage in wars and they knew the wars can not lead to mass destruction by any one weapon. However, after the Hiroshima and Nagasakhi event, every nation is aware of the harm a single nuclear explosion can do to their country. Hence, just knowing that the other nation is capable of firing a nuclear weapon is fearful any nation, which in turn results in the desired peace and harmony in the world.

Second reason is that - although today nuclear weapons are considered most devastating, it does not gurantee that in future somebody will invent a new weapon which is even more powerful. For instance, there are many brilliant minds working on new technology every hour, and god forbid if a country comes up with a new weapon it will hard to justify that dismatling nuclear weapon will lead to chances of mass destruction.

Lastly and perhaps the most importantly, even if the nuclear capable nations, including the U.S., dismantles the nuclear arsenals, it is hard to gurantee that all the nations will do the same. Moreover, there are many terrorist organization trying to get their hand on these nuclear weapon. If say all the known nuclear power nations dismantle their nuclear weapons and these terrorist groups get hold of one or more of these nuclear weapons, it will lead to mass chaos and lead to global crisis. So the nations are better of maintaining their own resources to deal with national or even global crisis that might come in future.

In summary, I discussed both sides of the issues in the previous paragraph, however, I strongly disagree with the issue itself and firmly believe that the nuclear capable nations should not dismantle their nuclear weapons. I agree that this is a very controvertial argument and it is not straightforward to take one side. There are pros and cons of either side, but given the state of the current affairs and for the sake of worldwide harmony the countries are better of maintaining their own nuclear arsenals to cater for any future unfortunate circumstances.

[StaceyKoprince]

Hi, thanks for posting your essays! Just an FYI that instructors don't grade or give feedback on essays (see the forum guidelines for details).

But I certainly hope other community members respond. Also, if you're in our class, you'll have an opportunity to get essays graded and get written feedback during the course (after class 6). Finally, you can get essays graded by GMAT Write (the official essay grading service from the makers of the exam) - they'll both grade the essays and provide feedback as to how to improve (for a fee). For details and pricing, go to www.mba.com and search for GMAT Write.

[thanghnvn]

ESSAY QUESTION:
"Nuclear weapons are potentially more devastating than any other weapon in human history. We must stop pointing the nuclear gun at our own heads. The best way to lower the threat of nuclear war is for the nuclear capable nations, including the U.S., to lead by example and dismantle their own nuclear arsenals."

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the position stated above. Support your viewpoint using reasons and examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

my response
I want one of my body paragraphs to be comment on. in one body graph I write 4 sentences: reason+explanation+ example+ clososing sentence which link the reason and example.

we need to stop the threat of nuclear war. Some persons think that the leading nations with nuclear power should dismantle their nuclear arsenals. This problem is complex. My idea is clear. I agree that the leading nations should dismatle their nuclear arsenals.

One reason for my idea is that when the nations with nuclear power dismatle their nuclear arsenals, the threat of nuclear war would be smaller. This is very clear. When there is less nuclear weapon, the threat of the war is smaller. If US dismantles its nuclear weapon, the threat of the war in North America would be smaller.

The second reason for my idea is that if the leading nations with nuclear power dismantle their nuclear weapons, there would be no arm race. Because there is no arm race, the threat of the nuclear war would be minimized. If no country makes nuclear weapons, there would be no nuclear wars. Imagine that if in North America, no nations make the nuclear weapon, there will be no war.

Some persons say that when the leading nations with nuclear weapons dismantle their nuclear weapon, other nations still can make and develop the nuclear weapon and the threat of the nuclear war still exist. I do not agree with them. When the leading nations stop making the weapon, no nations would make the weapon because it is not nessessary to do so. Any nation realizes that making nuclear weapon is meaningless when no leading nations make the weapon.

In conclusion, I see that the best way to avoid a nuclear war is that the leading nations with nuclear power dismantle their nuclear weapon. I think you would agree with me.

The above essay is writen in less than 30 minutes. pls comment, so that I can improve. Thank you.

[harisonrina]

Thanks for posting your essay. You can improve more yourself. I knew it more detail about nuclear weapons. I really happy with your topic. Today nuclear weapons are considered most destructive, it does not guarantee that in future somebody will conceive a new weapon which is even more powerful. For instance, there are many brilliant minds working on new technology every hour, and god forbid if a country comes up with a new weapon it will hard to justify that dismantling nuclear weapon will lead to chances of mass destruction.