AWA Essay. Feedback would be very helpful!!!

[alex_nicholson_2]

The following appeared as part of a campaign statement for Velazquez, who is seeking election as alderman in the town of Barchester:

"Under Police Commissioner Draco, the city of Spartanburg began jailing people for committing petty crimes such as littering, shoplifting, and spraying graffiti. Criminals in Spartanburg must have understood that lawlessness would no longer be tolerated, because the following year Spartanburg saw a 20% drop in violent crimes such as homicide. Our town should learn from Commissioner Draco’s success, and begin a large-scale crackdown on petty crime."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

your response

In this text the author argues that a crackdown of petty crimes will lead to a reduction of violent crimes. While his claim may well have merit, I believe the author presents a poorly reasoned argument, based on a number of questionable premises and assumptions. Based solely on evidence provided we cannot accept his argument

The primary issue with the authors claim is his argument ignores a number of key factors that may affect the drop in violent crimes. The author assumes that the fall is solely due to the crackdown on petty crimes. Here the author is ignoring a number of other possible causes that may have led to the drop. It is possible that the fall is due to other policies practiced by Commissioner Draco or due to scio-economic issues. For example the fall in violent crimes may be as a result of a change in the punishment for those convicted of violent crimes.

Secondly, I would question the evidence provided. We are told that violent crime fell by 20% but given little information about this statistic. It would be useful to know the volatility of the violent crime rate. A more useful statistic would be to compare last years rate with a 10 year historical trend.

Finally, the author assumes that applying the same policy in two different cites will yield the same result. Crime and issues that affect it are an extremely complex issue. What works in one city may not work in another. A more detailed analysis of the issue is needed.

As i have previously stated the main flaw in his claim is that he makes certain blanket assumptions. By offering more detailed evidence as to why these assumptions are correct he would improve his claim. For example by explaining that there have no other dramatic policy changes by Draco his assumption that the fall in violent crime is due to a crackdown on petty crime would have better grounding.

Thus this argument does not appear to be well justified. Due to unsubstantiated assumption and weak evidence the arguments are deeply flawed
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[StaceyKoprince]

Hi, thanks for posting your essays! Just an FYI that instructors don't grade or give feedback on essays (see the forum guidelines for details).

But I certainly hope other community members respond. Also, if you're in our class, you'll have an opportunity to get essays graded and get written feedback during the course (after class 6). Finally, you can get essays graded by GMAT Write (the official essay grading service from the makers of the exam) - they'll both grade the essays and provide feedback as to how to improve (for a fee). For details and pricing, go to www.mba.com and search for GMAT Write.

Suggestion: jasonmaehara also just posted essays looking for feedback. Go give him feedback on his and ask him to return the favor. :)