Hello,
Can someone please grade my essay? I felt like I was running out of time!
Thanks!
ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared as part of a campaign statement for Velazquez, who is seeking election as alderman in the town of Barchester:
"Under Police Commissioner Draco, the city of Spartanburg began jailing people for committing petty crimes such as littering, shoplifting, and spraying graffiti. Criminals in Spartanburg must have understood that lawlessness would no longer be tolerated, because the following year Spartanburg saw a 20% drop in violent crimes such as homicide. Our town should learn from Commissioner Draco’s success, and begin a large-scale crackdown on petty crime."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
YOUR RESPONSE:
Velaquez, who is seeking election as adlerman in the town of Barchester, proposed that his town should follow the city of Spartanburg who began jailing people for commiting petty crimes such as littering, shoplifting, and spraying graffiti. He claims that the new laws in Spartanburg have resulted in a 20% decrease of violent crimes such as homicide the following year. Velaquez's statement makes many assumptions that would need to be clarified in order to strengthen the argument.
First of all, Velaquez assumes that the "criminals" that commit these petty crimes are the same "criminals" who commit crimes such as homicide. Individuals who commit petty crimes don't necessarily commit much more violent crimes. The correletion between these crimes would need to be explained in order to justify the 20% drop in homicides.
Secondly, there is a natural variation in statistics such as homicide. One year is not enough time to understand the effects of the new law. In order to adequately state that this new law was the impetus for the decrease in homicides, the statistics for a longer time period must be considered.
Finally, Velaquez did not mention any community changes such as educational awareness programs. The reason for the decrease in violent crimes could be completely unrelated to the new laws.
In sum, the statement needs more supporting evidence. Factors such as the types of criminals commiting crimes, and awareness programs would strengthen the statement.